Craving Something New...

Finals are here once again and I am feeling more stressed then ever. I don't know what I was thinking taking on the load I currently have. Things aren't panning out the way I wanted them to. I am tired of being busy. I am tired of always being on edge, and having my brain work a thousand miles an hour at all times of the day. I feel like I am constantly irritated. I need a break from everything and everyone. I wish it was acceptable to just get up and go, to just say k im not going to school or work or internship for the next 3 weeks see ya when I get back keep my jobs and place in school for me when I get back. How cool would that be?

I am applying to graduate school. If I get accepted, ill start in September. Just the thought of being in school for 2 more years doing extra challenging work gives me anxiety. What if I can't do it? I told myself that if I dont get accepted than that means God's telling me to slow my roll and take a breather. Maybe ill take a year off and go travel. Or find a real social work job and see if its something that I really want to have a masters degree in. My teacher told us to work in the field before applying for graduate school because we may not even like it or it might not even be what we expected it to be. That's kind of scary to think that I might not be cut out for social work. Especially after being so passionate about it and determined to make that my career.

 My constant state of stress is affecting my relationship. I am always irritated with him and we are always bickering and arguing with each other. That's not what a relationship is supposed to be like. Being with him and spending time with him is supposed to be my fun place where I can relax, unwind and be happy. And lately im not. I still love him to pieces and know he will be my husband, but some days its just really exhausting.

My mom put me on a weight gain diet. Ive lost 16 pounds in the past 2 months. I eat the same amount as I used to I guess I am just burning it off faster because I am a lot more active now. She makes me lunch and my special shake with about 1,000 calories in them. She puts whey protein powder in them, oats, milk, berries, peanut butter, and flax seeds. Our goal is to get back to my normal weight by next year. She packs me massive lunches since Im not home at all during the day and dont have long enough breaks during the day to get food.  She's such an amazing person I don't know anyone stronger and with a bigger heart than her.  She'd do anything to make her kids happy. No one cares about me as much as she does. She loves me unconditionally and is always concerned about my well being. Im getting teary eyed just thinking about how much I love her and how much she means to me. Im glad I ended this ranty post with my momma. I already feel better. I leave you a picture of my momma enjoying a rootbeer float.