July 9, 2013

I got accepted to do my internship at Alhambra School District! I am so excited. I was hoping for an actual clinic or mental institution but I think the School District will be even better :) I start Sept 30 and I could not be more excited! Its going to be a hectic Fall quarter but I can do it! Im hoping I can still hold on to my job at Ulta, but I dont know how realistic that is. I think I might be a little too overwhelmed with everything.

We had a guest speaker in my Child Welfare class yesterday and he really left an impression on me. Reading horrible case stories in my textbooks are definitely not the same thing as hearing stories from an actual person who has gone through it. So this man, Dimitri, grew up in an abusive home. His mom was a prostitute and he would hear her and her 'clients' getting it on in his bedroom as he waited outside the door. Child Protective Services removed him from the home after several neighbors witnessed him staying alone for long periods of time. He was eventually reunited with his mother about a year later. I think he said he was around 7 years old. He came back to live with his mom and learned that she had a child, a girl, with one of her clients. This is when the physical abuse began. The mother was seeing an abusive man who would beat her on a daily basis. He would punch her in front of the children and degrade her. He felt so hopeless and didnt know how to get his mother out of this predicament. Dimitri explained that one night, his mother had male friends over and that she was extremely flirtatious with them. Her boyfriend got very mad after they left and threatened to kill her. He choked her and she told him that she flirted with them because they gave her the attention that he never did. This set him off and this is when he pulled out a broom stick. He said that tonight would be the night she would get all the attention she ever deserved. This is when the boyfriend ordered Dimitri to leave the bedroom. He said she screamed so horrifically that it was a scream  he had never heard before; he sodomized her. Time passed and she continued seeing this abusive boyfriend.

The mother was gone often and she would leave the 2 children with various people to take care of them. All of the homes were destructive and none of them actually took care of the kids. He explained that there was one particular man that would watch them that he got a bad vibe from. He said the man would spend hours in his room playing with his little sister while Dimitri would stay in the living room. Dimitri explained that he would notice his little sister saying extremely suggestive sayings. She began talking very trashy and everything she would say was very flirtatious. Especially for a young girl of about 4 years old. He knew the man was being sexually explicit with her. He had a gut feeling that something was not normal until one day the man started acting this way towards him. The man ended up sexually molesting him and threatened him to not say anything or else his little sister 'would get it worse'. This left Dimitri feeling helpless. He was so young and didnt know what to do. He felt like he couldnt turn to anyone. His mother was never around and he felt she wouldnt even care. Gonna try to speed this up, but eventually he was removed from the mothers care again and was placed in the foster system. This is where things only seemed to get worse. He felt extremely disconnected from all the families. Like no one cared to build a relationship with him. He said all he wanted was to feel loved and wanted.

He moved into a foster home that had several kids. The kids were very mean to him and became physically abusive. They would beat him up and bully him. He said eventually they got so tired of the same thing that they decided to do something different. The kids were older, he was about 10. One day the older boy told him to get on his knees and give him oral. He felt so crushed and helpless. He said no and the bully said that if he didnt do it then he'd make Dimitri sister do it. So of course he obliged. He said after the older kid was done, the other bully asked if he could do it too. He began doing it and after he was done the bully peed in his mouth. Dimitri said he had never felt so beaten. Like nothing in the world could lift his spirits. He said he felt like it was karma for not helping his younger sister when she was getting molested. He tried telling the foster parents and they accused him of lying. They told his social worker and she too told him not to lie that he was a liar and that no one would adopt him if he continued acting the way he did. He continued getting molested by the older children until finally one day the foster parents walked in on them. He was removed from the home and placed back into a boys shelter. He said he felt like he had lost all hope. Like he would never be saved and that no one would ever want him. He stayed for a long time transferring foster homes until finally one day he met a man named Michael.

Michael was a mentor and would take Dimitri out for ice cream and to do fun activities. He felt like he couldnt open up to anyone and was very closed off. Michael ended up fostering him but he continued feeling sad and depressed. Soon this sadness turned into anger. He was angry and resentful towards everything and everyone. He hated himself and anyone around him, but Michael stayed. He was determined to help Dimitri and eventually adopted him. Dimitri said he felt so angry. He didnt understand why someone would want him. He said he would destroy the house in hopes of Michael taking him back to the boys home. He would tell Michael that he hated him and that he wanted to kill himself (only so michael would take him back) He felt like he couldnt be loved and that he didnt deserve it. Michael was consistent and determined. He told Dimitri that he loved him and that he was determined to make him a part of his little family. After months of outward anger and hate, Dimitri started forgiving and began accepting Michael. He opened up to him and told him everything about himself. About his pain and his childhood. He said he had never felt so loved and wanted.

Michael ended up being an amazing dad to Dimitri and helped Dimitri recover from all the abuse. Michael eventually died (he was old already) and Dimitri ended up reunifying with his mother. His mother passed away 6 months after reunification. His mother ended up having 3 daughters from 3 different men and Dimtri adopted the 3 girls. They were his sisters and he was determined to give them the life he didnt have. He was 25 at the time.

He said that his social worker betrayed him. She was supposed to be there for him when no one else was. He wanted us to know how important our roles are in the lives of children and what difference we can make. If his social worker was there for him, he wouldnt have gone through all that he did.

His story motivated me more than I can express. I cannot wait to build a relationship with my clients. If I can help one child, my goals are complete. I don't know how he slipped through the cracks but it is unacceptable. No child should have to go through what he did. I pray for all the children who are currently in abusive and destructive homes. They are so innocent and helpless. I dont know how any human being can be physically, verbally or emotionally abusive towards a child. It is disgusting and wrong. I pray God is by their side and watching over them. 

Anyway, Im sorry this was so long! and Im sorry if it put you in a :( mood but this is what happens to children all over the country.We dont see it but it certainly happens. Im just happy he was able to recover from this. I think its awesome that he was able to adopt his sisters too. The sister he grew up with doesnt really stay connected with him, but he said she ended up being adopted into a nice family. He is writing a book about his life! He seems so happy too. He's a motivational speaker and speaks to kids in group homes. Im so happy he was able to use his past to help out kids today. :)