I submitted my withdrawal forms for APU about 2 weeks ago and they were processed yesterday including a personal statement from my adviser which stated "Thank you for returning these to me, I wish you God's best and hope to see you again soon Anjelika!" :( Nothing goes the way it should anymore. I think all my decisions in life end up backfiring on me and I literally have to do a U-turn with every path I take. Every time I take a step forward I find myself taking 2 steps back. I remember bouncing off the walls when all my papers went through and I was officially an APU student. I felt like I was FINALLY taking ALL classes going towards my major. Not retarded side general ed classes. REAL social work classes that I would apply to my future career! And here I am taking bs classes at Mt.Sac waiting for spring semester to apply to Fullerton. Im taking Yoga. Really? Yoga? I should have graduated by now. My mom says "o mija it wasn't meant to be." What do you mean it wasn't meant to be?? All my hard work spent there and it wasn't meant to be? This really chips away at my faith in fate.
I put so much emphasis on my education because I feel like its something that will ultimately make me happy and feel fulfilled after I complete it.
I just have to remind myself that achieving my degree will not MAKE me happy. I feel like im waiting to graduate and to conquer this goal in order to BE happy. Like its some sort of reward after all this hard work. Happiness is a reward? I need to stop thinking like that. Happiness is how we choose to live our lives. If you or I WANTS to be happy, we can be. It's as simple as that. Whether its going to school, whether its following your dreams outside of school, or its helping others, etc. I have to appreciate the fact that I am even able to go to school and pursue my education, whether I am learning about my interested field of study like social work or learning about how to do yoga (hehe). Just sometimes its hard to stand back up and see the positive sides of things when it seems like whenever something is given to you, its taken right back. And i don't just mean in school but with everything in my life.
I don't feel happy because I haven't achieved anything. TERRIBLE way of thinking and I need to stop. God does not have intentions for us to achieve anything in order to feel happiness. He wants us to be happy in everything that we do and DON'T do. I think that as long as we strive to be better people and live our lives wholeheartedly with good morals and being good examples to one another, we are destined to live our lives happily and with the grace of God. It should not feel like something we have to reach for. Please remember that you have control over how you live your life. You can choose to be happy if you really want to, and you don't need to achieve anything in order to feel it. Materials, careers, money, boys, love, etc. none of that should be something you are striving to achieve in life in order to be happy or feel fulfilled. I think all you really need is Faith in God and faith in yourself and you can and will be happy.
I dunno what do you guys think? Of course God gave us free will but do you think we have a destiny? Can we twist our fate or do you think it will always end up where He wants us? Do you feel like me where you have to achieve something to be happy or no?
1 comment:
awh cuppycake! keep your head up! :) yoga should be a blastt! lol. but i think He makes everything happen for a reason & ya going back to mt.sac after APU suckiths but I think its all part of the plan for your life. i think every decision we make and everything that we do is all preplanned and thought out by Him. i think we do have a destiny & you just have to take the hits & roll with the punches but it will all work out in the end, i think we're all apart of a bigger plan. I also think everyone feels that way when we achieve something, its like built into humans to be happy when we reach our goals...no matter how small or big. I dont think i will ever be completely truly happy until i achieve my goals in life & do what i love. But we'll get there in time. we just have to be patient and have a lil faith that God will pull through for usss :)
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